Your actions have set back the progress of the human race about 10 years…maybe longer

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The parking situation in my apartment complex has become a bit of a hassle recently.

The trouble started when I came back from a relaxed and fun camping trip in Shenandoah, Va. last Sunday to find a notice stating renters are no longer free to park in a gigantic lot frequented by Giant Food patrons next to our building and another huge high rise across from me. We are instead restricted to “community parking.” This sounds reasonable enough, but when you have two 16 story buildings sharing, oh I don’t know, 20 spaces, the logistics of what they’re telling us to do seem nightmarish. And of course what’s the penalty if you don’t comply? Your car hooked up to a tow truck.

I already get home from work at ungodly hours anyway, so the thought of having to fight even harder to find a space when I came back from some council meeting and park even FARTHER away from my building was rather depressing. The “community parking” in between the two high rises has always been impossible to get. I don’t even try to wait it out for one of those spots.

So far I’ve been dealing with it alright and finding the bright side to the inconvenience (walking farther = more exercise). I can even understand why Giant put the pressure on the complex to get stricter on parking (They were literally losing customers because patrons got sick of looking for a parking space and left). However, it was one of the reasons why these patrons–and possibly residents like me–couldn’t get a spot sometimes that I had to write this post.

According to our complex manager, this is the morning workday routine of some of my fellow renters (keep in mind, our buildings are a 2 to 3 minute walk from a Metro station right across the street):

(1) Leave building
(2) Get in car parked in an impossible to get “community parking” spot
(3) Turn ignition
(4) Drive to end of the same parking lot closest to Metro station and near Giant
(5) Get out of car
(6) Walk to Metro station

What.The.Fuck.

For anyone not getting the ridiculous of this, this is what the routine should be (if you’re not brain damaged):

(1)Leave building
(2)Walk to Metro station

The only reason you should ever do something this stupid is if any of the following applies to you:

(a) You’re on disability
(b) You just had major surgery
(c) You have cerebral palsy of the balls

People are getting towed because they are too lazy to walk. It is absolutely ridiculous that people were doing this and for so long that it’s now affecting every other renter. As horrible as it must be to have your car towed, these people really deserve it.

Don’t they know how lucky they are to have the ability to walk from their building to the Metro? Shouldn’t they feel lucky that they have two legs to walk on, period? The fact that the station is merely minutes away is the reason that people move to this complex in the first place. I’d be grateful to God if I could take Metro to work every day and not pay $4 a gallon in gas. People were wasting gas to do this on a regular basis.

Now the security guards I once deemed to be a false sense of security lurk in our parking lot to catch people in the act. I’m half tempted to take a personal day from work and see just how many people are being this effing lazy. If I was ever witness to said laziness I had better see someone limping out of that car. Or at least fake it. Come on.

Otherwise my unused club steering wheel lock in the backseat of my car will see to it that you do.

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