When you care enough to send your most offensive

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Sunday marked my twin roommates’ birthday and the day prior I labored over finding the perfect greeting cards for them. I wasn’t too impressed with the $2.99 cards and I’m not a fan of the ones that play music so I trekked over to the Mahogany section. For those reading who aren’t familiar with the Mahogany section, it’s basically your 8th grade history lesson on the Plessy v. Ferguson trial in greeting card form: cards that are specifically geared toward the black community. They’re completely separate from the rest of the cards and conveniently placed next to the 99 cent card section.

As I struggled to find a good card, I noticed this one at the top of the shelf:
Okay this is a little presumptuous to think that grandparents of other ethnicities don’t want their relatives’ thighs to uncomfortably slide down a loveseat in an unconditioned living room until the day they finally croak. But then I saw this one:
I don’t care how good of a friend you are to me, we are not going to still be dropping it like it’s hot. It’s been at least six years since that song came out. This is kind of insulting.

And it just got better:

^This would have been cute if it didn’t make it look like black people layaway Hallmark cards.

The Mahogany version of a belated birthday card

At this point I completely forgot my birthday card mission and could not stop snapping pictures. I’m surprised none of the CVS staff members tapped me on the shoulder to ask what the hell I was doing.
By the way, this was probably THE worst of them all:
And finally the one card I found in the section I hope wasn’t placed there intentionally:

I’m pretty sure the “Mahogany” logo wasn’t scrawled on the back of this one

Next year I’m just going to go old school and make them cards. It would have taken a lot less time.