Yet another round of cell phone inbox cleaning has yielded some out-of-context (and occasional in context) messages for you to enjoy:
OMG this candidate’s results party has a taco bar and is currently blasting “We Built This City.” This dude’s a fucking winner.
I just ate a shit ton of Rolos and I wanted you to know.
Watching the md game from inside a Cheesecake Factory. This is easily one of the top ten saddest moments of my life.
I don’t think I’m bringing pants.
Asked the Metro attendant to check my card when it wouldn’t process. Had $0.40. He looked SO disappointed in me.
Don’t judge me. Tits or gtfo
Wait not you. That was meant for someone else. You didn’t see anything. :p
Btw, I’m not/wasn’t drunk. Just stating facts. There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.
Whoa I just saw a biiiiiiig piece of shit on the sidewalk. Didn’t really look like it came from a dog…
Woman in Golden Corral ad describes its $12.99 Thanksgiving Day buffet (!) as “[her] family’s new holiday tradition.”
Hooray for nonrape!
The HIV belly fat guy had a good run, but I’m kind of glad to see that he’s no longer on every Metro station advertisement.
Big news! I just massively farted.
I’m 28 and had cereal for dinner. I’m either winning or losing at life.
I wish I could be down in MD so I could take you out for a taco related bday dinner
Don’t open the refrigerator or freezer if u don’t have to!
Dude all I know in life is I have no idea what the hell I’m doing