Tag Archives: youtube

You don’t need Charmin…you need a butt doctor

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Sometimes Twitter will promote handles in hopes you will follow them. This was the case on Thursday afternoon when they suggested I follow Charmin.

In case you haven’t seen a Charmin toilet paper ad in a while, let me catch you up to speed: They’re using multi-colored bears to push their product:

charmin - asparagus

The thought of what his bathroom smells like after a post-asparagus piss almost makes me wet my OWN pants…


In the past few years they’ve made the leap from woods-shitting to defecating in bear-owned single-family homes to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot:


What’s worse is whoever runs the Charmin Twitter account is providing perhaps too much information about his or her rear problems. This person is either paralyzingly incontinent or has Crohn’s Disease. Let’s survey the evidence together, shall we:

charmin -  comes out green

Dude I don’t know. Maybe see a doctor about that.

charmin - smell follows

OK. DEFINITELY see a doctor about that.

charmin - oatmeal and coffee for bfast

Whoever kept track of this needs counseling.

charmin - tire pop

What the? NO. No. Jesus Christ.

charmin - meteor

A meteor is the least of your worries if you crapped your pants after a flat tire.

charmin - courtesy flush


charmin - shaking table

You seriously need a colonoscopy.

Not Feeling Quite So Snug

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I had the day off from work Friday so it was my first foray into afternoon TV watching in some time. A Snuggle fabric softener commercial came on that made me laugh really hard so I was looking for it on YouTube so I could send it to my brother. I couldn’t find it but I found scores of others (like this one) that were 10x scarier than the one I saw today. Below are a series of Internet memes I created in honor of the fluffy one’s creepiness:

Want to leave work? Let’s think it through together

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Clicking on Facebook ads so you won’t have to

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Psych. I didn’t really click on these ads. But lately they’ve become too bizarre not to comment on:

Be a social worker in a year…or piss your pants trying:

There's no way you can convince me this kid doesn't have rabies

Wow. I don’t know who created this ad but could they have gone  with a picture of a kid who didn’t look like an extra in 28 Days Later? Sure a social worker isn’t going to be dealing with kids that are sugar, spice and everything nice but I would have appreciated some false advertising here…

Okay. This is a little better

*Sigh* No. No it isn’t.

Maybe if we train one in America we can medal in the 100m dash

We are so screwed if the only real competition to Usain Bolt in our lifetime is a flightless bird and not a human being. Also in case you’re wondering, there are only 2,136 people who like the ostrich. He’s gotta be pissed.

Have you tried Jack Blackout?

Can we tack on “JUST HOOK IT TO MY VEINS” to the end of the second answer? Could you try to sound any more alcoholic? How about a third option?

()”Yz! I cn tasttte a WHOLL lot of honiy and a litl bat of Jack. Wht? Iz suppsed tbe the opposite? That’s the last tiiime I drunk Jackie’s Dum Kentucccky Nectar agin.

Can they please do this in EVERY language?

I had no idea what the hell this was and decided I would YouTube it. I was not disappointed: