Tag Archives: wmata

Dredged from the bottom of “The Beach”

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There was an article today about how more than 1,000 items were recovered from the bottom of “The Beach” exhibit at the National Building Museum. Aside from a mass of lost cellphones and pairs of flip flops, here’s just a fraction of what else they found:

-Middle children from at least seven families

-A healthy first-string quarterback

-Gak. Real Gak.

-The amulet that animated rat Mrs. Brisby holds up in “The Secret of NIMH”

-An actual rat

-A Tinder date

-A family of four from Lincoln, Nebraska

-An eight-car Metrotrain

Kid Metro Costumes: More frightening than Halloween

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I’ll admit I’m a bit of a dork about maps, so a couple of years ago I bought a map of the WMATA Metrorail system to hang up in my apartment. It’s already a bit of an artifact with the upcoming Silver Line but years after making that purchase I STILL get emails from DCMetroStore.com. And with Halloween coming up, they seized on a children’s costume opportunity:

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Given the high amounts of Metro anti-sentiment in this area, I thought some of the descriptions of the kids costumes could use some edits:

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Unfortunately, the last image needed no editing. I didn’t want to alter the sweet, sweet irony:

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Maybe they can start making squeezable baseball bats.

Texts Last Night From a Nightowl’s Phone (Volume 6)

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Once again, it’s time to clean out my cell phone text inbox. Here are some of my favorite out of context messages I couldn’t bear to delete until now:

Just saw commercial for Popeye’s chicken waffle tenders. Managed not to drool in front of white roommate.

I just ate half a pizza on my ex boyfriend’s parent’s couch. And I’m unemployed. Should I be more depressed than I feel?

The Express guy was missing today, but the WMATA guy issued a statement which, if I interpreted it correctly, might be the most inappropriate compliment I’ve ever received: “Must’ve been good! I can see the glow!”

Natalie. I went on a second date with a guy and he says “I really believe that children are our most precious treasure” and I wanted to barf because obviously something is horribly wrong with me.

You have to poke holes in the box, natalie, thats why your strippers arent shipping well.

The two white girls next to us look like the sad sorority sisters who haven’t found husbands yet.

ABCD University High School? I think this either is worse than PG or a front for a brothel.

Comedy sketch idea: a person adopts a perfectly normal cat and makes it get plastic surgery to lok like lil bub and get internet famous.

Good news. I just signed up for this strippergram correspondance course which will certify me as ACTUAL. For an extra $20 they will send a tearaway graduation gown with the diploma.

We’re at Slider’s GETTING DRUNK AS A MOTHERFUCKER.

Should I tell my balls joke?

A tequila company started following me on twitter too! I wonder if they know that I think tequila tastes like a goat’s urine?

Lack of denim is a leading cause of sadness.

Isn’t boom boom code for poop?

Im more surprised by your continuous anti chicken stance.

You know you had a good college experience when your college friends keep you apprised of their bodily functions, out of a sense of tradition.

Tell him you don’t like black people.

Free slurpee day today. I consider it a lifelong obligation to remind each other every year

(two days later)

I didn’t get one. Fail.

Tsarnaev’s boat was less cramped than [Cafe] St. Ex.

I like that you find flowers and fried food equally picturesque.

All The News That’s Fit To Make Up – Feb. 4 – Feb. 8

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You’ve made it to the end of the week! Let’s play with news words, shall we? Here’s what I had to work with courtesy of the Washington Examiner local section:

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And here are some of the combos I came up with:

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I’ll believe it. I have T-mobile and it’s a bitch and a half.

 

See any I missed? Leave a message or tweet @littlenightowl.

A year of WMATA-inflicted and personal Metro fail

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After a commitment to regular weekly open mics I found myself using Metro more often…and getting frustrated much more often as a result. Since I regularly complained about it via social media here is a compilation of the year’s observations on Metrorail and Metrobus. Happy New Year!