Tag Archives: The Weather Channel

God this is depressing – Weather Channel Series (Part 3)

0
Filed under Uncategorized
Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

In this third and final installment on The Weather Channel’s attempts to report on anything but the weather, we take a look at the debbie downer posts that made it hard to get out of bed in the morning:

weather channel

If it’s Cleveland then yes, your city is the saddest.

That is also the only answer to that question.

weather channel

Oh you mean out of the WALL OF LAVA? Surprisingly, they got out with just a few scratches.

Ah just kidding. They’re super dead.

weather channel
I can’t tell from this if I’m looking at a collection of ill-fated tumbleweeds about to meet sewer death or the facial features of a gargantuan Ewok but the overall point is that death is imminent.

weather channel

Can’t they put up a photo of a tropical resort instead? You’re not exactly selling global warming when your lead picture is the snow blocking my car exhaust.

 

weather channel - this place is doomed

That’s better. Full sadness restored.

Holy shit we’re all gonna die – Weather Channel Series (Part 2)

0
Filed under Uncategorized
Tagged as , , , ,

If you were looking for a weather forecast in the past year and thought you might find it on a website called the Weather Channel, you might have been shit out of luck. But if you were looking for a forecast in how soon we were all going to kick the bucket, the Weather Channel website had you covered.

Here were some hints over the past year that we were closer than we thought to the underworld:

weather channel - does devil have a pool

And if he does can we get in for free or do we have to pay $5 because we’re a “guest of a member”?

I bet God’s bathtub has jacuzzi jets.

weather channel - mothership has landed

 

Everyone: Guard your butt holes.

weather channel - could this stop your heart

Are we talking about the “Sun” or “Tall buildings”? Either way I’m never going outside again.

 

weather channel - when rivers run red

I think we found the Devil’s Pool. And I don’t think it’s chlorinated.

Where the hell is my forecast? – Weather Channel Series (Part 1)

0
Filed under Uncategorized
Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

I usually rely on the Weather Channel website to tell me whether I need an umbrella, a light jacket or snow boots—all of which you might need in the same day if you live in the District.

Recently, they went through a site redesign, which is great considering their previous format bordered on fear-mongering:

weather channel - we're all infected

Is one of the survivor’s goals “Don’t get infected”? Because between this and the plane ride that person’s boned.

Of course their design faux pas didn’t get in the way of my plans to do my own series of their worst headlines as shown through a personal screen capture spree. This week I decided to focus on the ones that notably had absolutely nothing to do with weather:

weather channel - loose pig captured
If Rob Ford was an Animorph, it would be this pig. It’s the first animal I’ve seen that looks like it might smoke crack.

Also it looks like the cop is either trying to save the pig from himself or giving him the Heimlich maneuver, which I guess is only fair considering how many humans have choked themselves on pork flesh.

 

weather channel - baby giraffe

I’m less interested in the giraffes and more interested in how I can dine with bears—safely.

 

weather channel  - dont waste time doing this

 

There’s kind of no point considering you’re in the one-third that’s infected and will die soon.

 

weather channel - beaver

Well fuck knowing if it’s going to rain. I kind of want to know now.

weather channel - gary busey

He was on a show that had Lil’ Jon, Jose Canseco and Meatloaf in the same room every week. He’s already been there.

weather channel - what happened to him

He died waiting for The Weather Channel to tell him if it’s raining tomorrow.

But at least he knows why that beaver was angry.