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The Fry Party lives on…in my arteries

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I had to beat my chest the first year I went. My cholesterol probably spiked after the second. Now after a year hiatus, the heart-stopping Fry Party made its return to my friends’ current (and in some cases former) group house and to my loving but narrow arteries.

 

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Don’t even ask me about the Toaster Strudels. That was a total fail.

 

Let’s visit some of my more memorable fry-results, shall we?

THE FRY THAT SHOULD BE SOLD AT CAMDEN YARDS: Bacon wrapped hot dog

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Courtesy of Nesa, this meat on meat creation is good on its own and in a bun. Evenly wrapped and easy to fry, this was a good start to the party. Just remember toothpicks to hold the bacon slabs in place if you ever do this on your own.

THE FRY THAT PUT ANOTHER DIMENSION ON POTATOES: Fried mashed potato balls

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This is the only way I want to eat mashed potatoes now.

The breading was awesome and everything held together in the oil. I recommend maybe halving this or eating it in smaller bites instead of doing what I initially tried which was stuffing the entire thing in my mouth. A whole lot of potato in your mouth at once is a choking hazard.

THE FRY THAT STILL VISITS ME IN MY DREAMS: Fried double stuff Oreos and banana

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Thank you Winnie for your ingenuity. If not for it, I would not have have exposed to the glory that is tthe marriage of cream and the sweet solid potassium filled nectar. Yes it IS as gooey as it looks. And if I ever get a Charley horse this is what I want someone shoving down my gullet to replenish my muscle strength.

THE FRY THAT COULD’VE BEEN BETTER: Vegan soy chorizo bites

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Normally, when I hear that someone has brought anything vegan to a food gathering, my taste buds get as uncomfortable as Bobby Jindal within a two foot radius of a sari. But because I have soft spot for anything chorizo I gave it a shot. Honestly, it didn’t taste that bad, but this needs to be packed in TIGHTLY. It looks deceptively like falafel, but it’s not the same texture.

I went to the Fry Party and all I got was this lousy stroke

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A couple weeks ago I went to my friends’ annual Fry Party. They rent deep fryers and create two different types of batter so we can fry anything sweet and savory we get our hands on. For those of you who actually read this blog you might remember last year’s review when I literally ate so much I couldn’t move.

This time I was smart enough to take a break from achieving atherosclerosis and take some pictures of the fry. Here are some memorable creations:

THE FRY THAT SCREAMS AMURR’CA: Pizza hut slice

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A guest at the party took one bite of this and said, “This kind of tastes like what Pizza Hut tastes like anyway,” so I don’t feel too disappointed about not trying it.

THE HEARTIEST FRY: Mac & cheese bites

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Just the right combination of crusty exterior and creamy interior. It’s good enough on its own but this could be heaven with THIS.

THE INDULGENT FRY: Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers

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What do you get when you fry something that’s already fried but already wrapped around something hot temperature AND taste-wise? You get this aesthetically pleasing fry.

THE CLASSIC FRY: Oreo

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Chocolately. Creamy. Fried-y. The only thing that was missing was some ice cream, which would not have survived in that climate.

THE PSEUDO HEALTHY FRY: Fried zucchini

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For those of us who wanted to pretend like we were putting something healthy in our mouths, there was fried zucchini. It tasted pretty good.
Could have used some sauce though.

RUNNER UP: Strawberry

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I was starting to wonder if this was a good idea when I saw all the oil turn red from the fruit but it turned out OK. NOTE: There are way too many dimples on a strawberry to get it fully coated with batter.  Also the juice inside the strawberry is scalding hot so beware.

And finally…

THE FRY THAT WILL STOP YOUR EFFING HEART: Fried hamburger

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I didn’t try this since it was Nesa’s creation but just looking at it hardens my arteries.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I’m already looking forward to next year–provided I don’t need stent surgery first.

Why I love America (or why I couldn’t move on Saturday night)

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A party where all you do is deep fry anything you can get your hands on should only be held once a year for a variety of reasons: (1) It’s someone’s birthday (2) You can feel your arteries hardening with every bite of fried pickle and most important (3) Jesus wants you to stop (plus you didn’t invite him and that’s not cool).

I went to a deep fry party on Saturday and here is just a sample of what met its high temperature, greasy death only to continue its journey through my intestine:

 

By the time the 6 o’clock hour rolled around I was literally having chest pains. One of my friends who was running the larger deep fryer feigned an impression of Chris Farley punching his heart back into rhythm. I thought I was going to have to do that with my own chest in the party house bathroom.

BUT I KEPT GOING.

And I made some interesting discoveries:

FRY THAT PLEASANTLY SURPRISED ME:


Fig Newtons

One of the former roommates of the house declared this a delicacy. I was skeptical. I’m not a big fig newton fan but I was deliciously proven wrong. It had the right amount of crustiness and a sweet filling reminIscent of toaster strudels. I told him if it had toaster strudel frosting it would’ve been perfect. (On a side note, someone did deep fry toaster strudels).

FRY I WISH I TRIED:

Doritos Taco Bell Taco

Truth be told I haven’t even tried a Doritos Taco Shell Taco on its own so I figured it was borderline hedonistic to try it in a deep fryer. I never got a consensus on whether this was actually good but it looked like it didn’t even fry all the way when my friend took it out.

FRY WE ALL STAYED THE HELL AWAY FROM:

Hostess Sno Ball

By far the grossest fry of them all. When we took it out it was dark on the inside and flesh pink on the outside. Without consulting each other, a random guy at the party and I both said it looked like placenta. Don’t know if anyone actually snuck a piece but if they did it’s probably still working its way through his or her body as I type this.