I won’t hold anything against you if you buy a toy for someone at a grocery or convenience store as long as you admit that something in your life isn’t going right that Giant Food is your first option. You might be broke like I am or you get a burning sensation whenever you enter a Toys R’ Us that can only be cooled with off-brand frozen peas.
Whatever reason it is, if you’re going to go this route make sure to avoid the ones I saw this past week:
The toy enjoyed best with a bottle of pills
One of the harshest criticisms of Barbie is that she leads a life of distorted reality. Barbie can SCUBA dive, compete in the Summer Olympics and go to space, but we can’t possibly pose her in front of a scaled-to-size laptop while she cries looking at TheKnot.com pages for couples she doesn’t even know.
This toy might unintentionally change that:
If you take a closer look you’ll realize that Ken is only painted on the inside of the box.
And there’s no food on her plate.
She’s dressed up with nowhere to go
She’s by herself.
They need to package this with this.
The toy that makes you question copyright issues
This looks familiar. Real familiar. Stolen familiar.
The toy that sets you up for life failure
My local Giant Food just spent the past month installing six new self-checkout machines so I was a bit confused when they decided to sell a toy version of the one thing they’re slowly eliminating. The job of a checkout cashier might be obsolete by the time this child even reaches high school. Start this kid out early on a self-checkout machine toy so I don’t have to stand behind him in 10 years filled with murderous rage while he tries to scan a 36-roll pack of toilet paper.
The toy that needs to die in a fire
This duck was all the way at the top of the shelf.
I’m pretty short so I had to get a wrapping paper tube to knock it down. Then I pressed the button and I quickly realized why it was up so high: