Spam: Not just about the inheritance from your long lost Nigerian uncle anymore!

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I have three simple expectations of characteristics of my inbox spam:

Unintelligible

Moderately inappropriate and

On a dogged quest to sell me Viagra from a Saskatchewan pharmacy.

But spam is evolving. Chances are if you run any type of site that allows for posting comments you can see that spammers now infiltrate in a different way: They’re starting to post in complete sentences and, even worse, giving constructive criticism and  misguided praise.

So I wondered how I would respond if these were real people commenting:

No worries here. Your English seems to be fine. I would be more than happy to give you more details as long as you tell me how this helped you in your college assignment. Are you doing a research project on Tyler Perry or the emotional rollercoaster that was the 2010 NCAA Division I Basketball Tournament? If it’s the latter I expect at least one section titled “How Villanova Nearly Effed Up Everyone’s Bracket On Day ONE – An Analysis.”

You just finished reading a whole post about how I was going to deliver a six-pack of beer to my friend and you’re trying to push tea on me. You didn’t read it at all. I’m offended.

I can still have the discount, right?

This post is mostly pictures….

Of course it compensated for your time – it was a huge picture of some woman’s boobs. I’m sure if your visitors like boobs they will also find it useful. And who doesn’t like boobs, really…

This is actually a clever turn of phrase but I’ve tried every which way to apply that to the post in question and I’m struggling. Does this mean that even if I did find someone on an online dating site who didn’t commit offenses like widely advertising their cuddling powers that there would be other issues down the line? This comment is deeper than I imagined. I am actually looking forward to your next observation…

WTF. OK back to my usual disappointment.

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