Sometimes you come home from work and your stress levels are through the roof. People deal with stress in different ways. Some people smoke cigarettes. Some engage in illegal drug use. Others might destroy their own property or their neighbors’. There are individuals who might even be driven to kill. However I’m probably one of the few freaks out there who likes to suppress her rising bouts of rage by gorging on as much fruit as humanly possible in one sitting and I’m struggling to figure out why.
It kind of freaks my roomie Sarah out sometimes that I can come back from Giant with a 1lb container of strawberries and finish the entire thing while talking to her in the kitchen. She says she’s glad that I’m at least coping healthily. I don’t even have to really be hungry to gorge either. And if there’s a sale on Giant for fruit you better believe I’m stockpiling back up coping aids.
I’ve learned that the kind of fruit I eat is dependent on the level of stress I have:
Strawberry – Moderate Stress – Five stories and no one has called me back for any. Will probably have to write at least three on Monday when all sources remember how to get into their voicemail. Fuck.
Blueberry – Moderate to High Stress – Not only do I have five stories, but one of them is for the WaPo and it’s an impossible subject. Still no callbacks. No jerk chicken at Shoppers Food Warehouse lunch counter. Come ON.
Raspberry – High Stress – Five stories. WaPo story. Double murder. People want their quotes read BACK to them before I publish them (btw don’t ever ask a reporter to do that). Still no jerk chicken but plenty of boiled sausage and macaroni & cheese. Puketastic.
Of course if you see me eating all four of these at the same time, get the hell away and call 911. You’d be doing both of us a favor.