if you think natural roughage is sexy you might have a chance

Filed under chris hansen, dating, flatulence, raw vegetables, to catch a predator
Tagged as , , , ,

I joined this online dating site a few months ago so I wouldn’t be the only roommate in the apartment that never gave this a try. Sometimes people can randomly message you and I generally get creepers that make me (a) want to disable the chat function (b) sad that they can’t hold a regular conversation without immediately jumping to past sexual history and (c) tempted to watch a backlog of episodes of “To Catch a Predator” to help Chris Hansen actually ID some of these men.

The guy below added me to his “favorites” list, so when he sent me an IM–which I usually cringe in anxiety when I see–I figured I at least owed it to him to make some conversation. Then I quickly realized after he started typing that I owed it to myself to mess with his head:

Guy: hey

Guy: how are you

Me: good! how about you?

Me: surviving the snomageddon?

Guy: yup lol

Guy: you

Guy: you are very sexy

Me: yeah me too just not looking forward to the next one coming

Guy: yup

Me: oh um wow thanks

Guy: ya wish i was snowed in with u lol

Me: haha thanks

Me: so what did you to to pass the time during the storm?

Guy: hehe go on here

Guy: tv

Guy: read

Guy: masturbate lol

Guy: u?

Me: a lot actually, let me see if i can remember it all

Me: i woke up and looked outside

Me: heaved a heavy sigh at the amount of snow on my car

Me: cried loudly and deeply about how much i was going to have to clean off

Me: which kind of woke up my roommates

Me: then i sucked it up

Guy: lol

Me: and vegged out

Me: but literally vegged out

Me: i ate an entire raw veggie platter from giant food

Guy: nice

Guy: did u get laid?

Me: it’s kind of impossible to get laid after you eat an entire raw veggie platter under 36 minutes

Me: you can’t even get your roommate to look you in the eye after you leave the bathroom

Me: for the 13th time

Me: much less nail someone

Me: or be nailed

Guy: lol

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