Monthly Archives: January 2012

Oh I bet you are…I bet you are

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Sigh.

1,001 new ways to say “Duh”

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A hostage note from Wikipedia programmer Brandon Harris…

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If you remember his series of appeals from the last time then it’s no surprise this blackout is no accident:

Golden Corral: Bring the family! (And your stunt double!)

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Consider this scenario:

You’re in the car with your significant other and another couple on the way to dinner. The girlfriend in the front passenger seat starts telling you what’s exciting about the restaurant. She says for $20 you get an entree from a limited menu and you get to share an appetizer. Your rampant hunger is increasing your skepticism about where you’re headed. Do you:

(a) Politely suggest another restaurant that would produce a bigger bang for everyone’s buck

(b) Stay silent and just suffer through whatever choice your friends make

or

(c) Lock eyes in agreement that you will TUCK AND ROLL OUT OF A MOVING VEHICLE ONTO A BUSY ROAD WITH NO REGARD FOR YOUR OWN MORTALITY

I think you can guess by my tone what the black couple in this godforsaken Golden Corral commercial did:

 

It’s bad enough that it had to be a black couple rolling out the backseat in pursuit of a Golden Corral but could anything else encapsulate America better than the guy saying “I am not sharing an appetizer” at the end? I thought appetizers were meant to be shared.  Do you know how many times I had to rewind this commercial to confirm it was real?

I can think of so many other restaurants that would be worth unbuckling my seatbelt and leaping from a moving car for like a Fogo de Chao,** a Morton’s**…God maybe even a Carrabba’s** but NOT A GOLDEN CORRAL. And how do they know they weren’t going somewhere that had decent food? That’s like tandem skydiving with someone but unhooking yourself from the life saving parachute because you could land on an Old Country Buffet when you were about to safely land on a Cracker Barrel instead.

And you know damn well there are no rocking chairs and over sized checkers at Old Country Buffet.

 

 

 

 

 

**I may have linked to these three in the hopes this would be indexed in Google and I’d get free gift cards

Big Ben. Small Hat.

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The Pittsburgh Steelers lost to the Denver Broncos, meaning my team and their rivals–the Baltimore Ravens–get to revel in their loss and won’t play them in the playoffs for the first time in years. After I was done bouncing up and down in my apartment like an idiot I settled down to watch the press conference. This is what Big Ben was wearing:

 

And this was the convo between me and my brother:

 

Not Feeling Quite So Snug

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I had the day off from work Friday so it was my first foray into afternoon TV watching in some time. A Snuggle fabric softener commercial came on that made me laugh really hard so I was looking for it on YouTube so I could send it to my brother. I couldn’t find it but I found scores of others (like this one) that were 10x scarier than the one I saw today. Below are a series of Internet memes I created in honor of the fluffy one’s creepiness: