Because Black History Month is coming to a close I decided another round of Mahogany cards was appropriate–especially since many of you enjoyed the first one. Here are some gems I found in my local CVS:
Monthly Archives: February 2011
A few months ago I heard my co-worker lament about not having any soy sauce to complement her lunch. Without telling her I took a quick look in my office drawer but was doubtful I would have any. I’m not a big soy sauce fan unless it’s mixed with wasabi and I’m dipping a piece of sushi in it.
Later that day I was in the grocery holy grail known as Wegmans and noticed a condiment shelf filled with packets of duck and soy sauce in the checkout line. As I blankly stared at the soy sauce wondering why it was important to me I remembered my soy sauce-less co-worker. I grabbed a bunch of packets on my way out the door to give to her later.
I basically never leave the office so my co-worker was out the door well before I could deliver her soy sauce. I opted to leave them on her desk but failed to leave any type of post-it note indicating I was the provider. I didn’t think she needed to know it came from me as long as she had soy sauce at the end of the day.
Well it turns out she had no idea who left her the soy sauce. The next day I heard her talk out loud that she had no clue who gave her the bounty. I could have lifted my hand and said “Hey it was me,” but I chose not to. A few weeks later a third co-worker who remembered she asked for soy sauce went to hand her some directly. His generosity reminded me that she never identified the first provider.
So I decided to see how far I could keep the gift giving going without her knowing.
I came up with the idea to give her soy sauce on every single holiday as the Kikkoman Holiday Phantom. I figured Kikkoman is a pretty big soy sauce distributor and phantoms are pretty stealthy–a quality I would need if I was going to successfully pull this off.
The First Drop
The first drop was at my co-worker’s apartment complex which up until that point I had only been to once for a housewarming party. I obviously couldn’t ask her roommates for the number so I decided to look in past Facebook events for an address. Since this was around the Christmas holiday I wanted something to reflect holiday cheer:
I tailgated into the complex while she was at a happy hour and mounted a poster on her unit’s door with mounds of magic tape so it wouldn’t fall off. In the process of taping the neighbor across from them saw me in the act. As if what I was doing wasn’t creepy looking enough I said to her, “You never saw me here.”
Hours later this popped up on my co-worker’s Plixi page (otherwise known as a Twitter picture album):
The Second Drop
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I want to show everyone some of the more humorous combos I rolled in a pair of Valentine’s dice I won by placing 3rd in a PlayStation SingStar competition some of my friends held this weekend:
Kentucky Fried Chicken has aired commercials as of late that proudly proclaim a Zagat rating for their fried chicken. When most people see a Zagat sticker in the window of a restaurant there is an expectation that the food will be delicious, have a decent quality to price ratio and be edible by default. These traits–if you have any tastebuds at all–are completely incongruous with the KFC franchise.
My first reaction upon seeing the commercial was denial that an establishment that introduced food shame spirals such as this and especially this would receive such recognition. The unfortunate truth is that in a 2010 Zagat Survey, KFC did rank #1 and #2 in two chicken categories:
I can’t speak for KFC’s grilled stock but a bucket of that haphazardly seasoned backside of a Shar-Pei they call fried chicken shouldn’t be anywhere near the top of that list. Don’t get me started on the fact Bojangles was ranked fourth.
However, this survey only polled 6,518 Americans. That means depending on where these 6,000+ people live they may not have access to better options such as Popeyes and Bojangles. I’m confident that once one of these 6,518 people gets their hands on a Popeyes chicken wing he or she will be so overcome with emotion that he or she will break into Col. Sanders’ grave and sprinkle cajun spices on his headstone out of anger for depriving them of the glory.
As seen on Baltimoresun.com on 2/3/11
It’s obvious from this picture that Lisa knows what’s up.
Unfortunately she knows she has to play along for now. I don’t think she could look any more paralyzed with fear right from the get go.
This was started out of need for companionship? Really? The first month of friendship might go without incident.
The second month they’ll get into a playful scuffle and Paulchen will accidentally lick the backside of Lisa. Hours later Paulchen will turn to Lisa and say, “Hey did you know you kind of taste good? Kind of like chicken. I know it’s kind of random..hehe…just thought you’d be interested to know.” He’ll laugh nervously and then that’s when the makings of a delicious friendship will begin.
Sidenote: Can’t be a good sign if Paulchen’s tongue is already hanging outside his mouth–probably because he’s trying to catch the flavor of Lisa’s scent that’s been windswept into his mouth.
While you were dodging car roof ice shards on eastbound I-495 en route to Baltimore, you might have seen this victim of last week’s Thundersnow chaos: