Monthly Archives: November 2010

Spam: Not just about the inheritance from your long lost Nigerian uncle anymore!

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I have three simple expectations of characteristics of my inbox spam:

Unintelligible

Moderately inappropriate and

On a dogged quest to sell me Viagra from a Saskatchewan pharmacy.

But spam is evolving. Chances are if you run any type of site that allows for posting comments you can see that spammers now infiltrate in a different way: They’re starting to post in complete sentences and, even worse, giving constructive criticism and  misguided praise.

So I wondered how I would respond if these were real people commenting:

No worries here. Your English seems to be fine. I would be more than happy to give you more details as long as you tell me how this helped you in your college assignment. Are you doing a research project on Tyler Perry or the emotional rollercoaster that was the 2010 NCAA Division I Basketball Tournament? If it’s the latter I expect at least one section titled “How Villanova Nearly Effed Up Everyone’s Bracket On Day ONE – An Analysis.”

You just finished reading a whole post about how I was going to deliver a six-pack of beer to my friend and you’re trying to push tea on me. You didn’t read it at all. I’m offended.

I can still have the discount, right?

This post is mostly pictures….

Of course it compensated for your time – it was a huge picture of some woman’s boobs. I’m sure if your visitors like boobs they will also find it useful. And who doesn’t like boobs, really…

This is actually a clever turn of phrase but I’ve tried every which way to apply that to the post in question and I’m struggling. Does this mean that even if I did find someone on an online dating site who didn’t commit offenses like widely advertising their cuddling powers that there would be other issues down the line? This comment is deeper than I imagined. I am actually looking forward to your next observation…

WTF. OK back to my usual disappointment.

There’s a time and place for steak…

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…and the article below was not one of those times.

The following is a pretty gruesome story of a former Baltimore resident whose mutilated body was found in Massachusetts.

Now The Baltimore Sun tends to be pretty advertisement and promotion-heavy but one in particular seemed a bit out of place:

I gave up…kind of

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Remember all those delightful posts about the world of online dating? Well they’re going to stop for now. I deleted my OKCupid account.

It was getting too, too depressing.

By the way the OKCupid love robot looked dejected as shit that I was deleting my profile.

Come on man. It's not like WE were dating...

Don’t get me wrong, I was fortunate enough to go on a few dates with some nice normal guys but those were few and far in between all the creepsters. I said slightly more than a year ago that I would give this the ol’ college try but over the course of the year I just wanted to give it the ol’ college jungle juice puke.

The site prompted me with a series of questions asking why I was giving them the boot:

I was reluctant to make any selections. There were a couple that I wouldn’t have minded adding to that:

But of course none of those choices were available so I made my choices and said my goodbyes. However, the OKCupid love robot said not to give up hope and it seems he is willing to get me a date by any means necessary:

Just for that, it’s Match.com here I come.

I interrupt this three-part series to bring you…

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…video I shot of tree climbers at the Rally to Restore Sanity in Washington, D.C. Enjoy: