Monthly Archives: May 2010

Insecurity Questions

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Sometimes I forget that I even have a Yahoo account and the only time I’m reminded is when the interoffice e-mail goes out for our annual March Madness bracket contest. Way before my and pretty much everyone’s bracket was laid to waste thanks to some K-initialed Division I teams that shall go nameless, I had some trouble logging in to my account. I briefly forgot my password but Yahoo said not to worry. Immediately some security questions popped up I could answer to recover my password.

I don’t know about the rest of you but security questions make me feel like I’ve accomplished nothing with my life. I realize they’re only trying to help me, but obviously I can’t answer this one:

Now you can do the sensible thing and skip it. Or you can feel compelled to answer it no matter what it is, sort of like how my mom’s answer to her Gmail security question “What’s your dog’s name” is “No pet” (I wish I was making that up).

My answer: I will probably die alone.

There is no way you’ll forget that one–mostly because a Yahoo administrator will probably send you a personal e-mail asking you if you’re okay and send you an Internet search of local psychiatrists you can talk to.

These questions just make me want to come up with snarky responses that would definitely make it harder for someone to hack into my account but even more difficult for me to remember how I answered them:

I’m almost positive Yahoo has my date of birth on file so can’t they just tailor the questions to things that a 20-something would remember?

How many times a week do you get Chipotle?

You meant “day” and not “week,” right?

What is the first picture you untagged on Facebook?

The one where my mouth was wide open and I looked like I was trying to remember something but farted at the same time.

What was your first tweet?

“I need Chipotle”

These are things that I could remember. Perhaps I need to lobby the Yahoo higher ups to get some security question diversity.

When you care enough to send your most offensive

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Sunday marked my twin roommates’ birthday and the day prior I labored over finding the perfect greeting cards for them. I wasn’t too impressed with the $2.99 cards and I’m not a fan of the ones that play music so I trekked over to the Mahogany section. For those reading who aren’t familiar with the Mahogany section, it’s basically your 8th grade history lesson on the Plessy v. Ferguson trial in greeting card form: cards that are specifically geared toward the black community. They’re completely separate from the rest of the cards and conveniently placed next to the 99 cent card section.

As I struggled to find a good card, I noticed this one at the top of the shelf:
Okay this is a little presumptuous to think that grandparents of other ethnicities don’t want their relatives’ thighs to uncomfortably slide down a loveseat in an unconditioned living room until the day they finally croak. But then I saw this one:
I don’t care how good of a friend you are to me, we are not going to still be dropping it like it’s hot. It’s been at least six years since that song came out. This is kind of insulting.

And it just got better:

^This would have been cute if it didn’t make it look like black people layaway Hallmark cards.

The Mahogany version of a belated birthday card

At this point I completely forgot my birthday card mission and could not stop snapping pictures. I’m surprised none of the CVS staff members tapped me on the shoulder to ask what the hell I was doing.
By the way, this was probably THE worst of them all:
And finally the one card I found in the section I hope wasn’t placed there intentionally:

I’m pretty sure the “Mahogany” logo wasn’t scrawled on the back of this one

Next year I’m just going to go old school and make them cards. It would have taken a lot less time.