Monthly Archives: March 2010
Found on Craigslist (Please Lord, let this be fake):
If this ad is for real then it is missing one more line:
“Must be willing to let the waves of greed and vanity wash over you like your newborn’s blanket and consent to do the lambada on ‘Dancing With The Stars’ within 5 years or ‘Dance Your Ass Off’ depending on if excess baby weight is retained.”
My friend’s Google Chat status as of 6 p.m.: i need a beer. at work. someone make that happen.
Friend: so are you going to bring me a beer?
Me: the logistics involved in that from where i’m sitting right now are quite daunting
Friend: so is that a yes?
rise to the occasion
take the challence head on
and most importantly
give me a beer
Me: i can do it, but it may be half drunken on the metro ride there…
…by a hobo
Friend: why are you giving a hobo my beer?
Me: come on, it’s not like i’m gonna deny a hobob
i don’t wanna feel guilt tripped for the rest of the day
plus you’ll still be getting beer
i see it as a win-win situation, really
Friend: your logic is flawed in so many ways
instead of explaining those ways to you
Me: logic goes out the door past 6:30 p.m.
Friend: i will angrily shake my fist at you and shout MCGILLLLLL
you’re saying you would rather drink an entire six-pack at the office instead of sparing half of that for a hobo?
a hobo with clear blue eyes that i’m not going to be able to look away from, i should add
Friend: well (1) i pictured you carrying one glass of beer, giving have to the hobo, leaving me with half a glass to imbibe
(2) never trust a person with blue eyes
no you’re never gonna see the hobo. nor will i carry glassware on the metro
Friend: half a glass won’t cut it, but three might do the trick
I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER
Me: DONE AND DONE
The title of this post was a Google Chat status of mine in response to these images:
…which prompted this discussion:
Friend: wait did canada do something else that would have angered me??
Me: they had he world’s lamest closing ceremony
there was an inflatable moose
inflatable beaver on wheels being led by plaid-clothed lumber jacks
dancing maple leafs
Friend: bahahah ok the usual
Me: i was like, for the love of god someone pour water on this flame
you are killing the olympic spirit
and my retinas
with this cornucopia of inflatable and oversized bullshit
Friend: hahahaha oh natalie how i miss you
Me: haha ah i miss you too
i was telling my friend that if they tried this shit in beijing
someone would’ve been killed
Friend: i want to laugh but i feel like i cant because youre right!
man the wow factor is really pumped up when you have an endless supply of political prisoners!