You’ve made it to Friday. Hurray! Here’s your end of the week news headline scramble courtesy of The Washington Examiner:
And here are the two combos I came up with:
See any that I missed? Leave a comment or tweet at @littlenightowl.
Happy Friday y’all. Because of some godawful events that took place in mid-December we’re skipping to the new year already. Here’s what I had to work with from the Washington Examiner during the week of Jan. 2 – Jan. 5:
A bit harder this time since two of my papers were MIA (grr) but I tried to make do with what I had:
Find a combo I missed? Leave it in the comments section or tweet at @littlenightowl.
I begin Monday’s post with owning up to my own idiocy. Apparently, last week’s set of local Washington Examiner headlines were all from the Dec. 3- Dec . 8 week of papers and not Nov. 26 – Dec. 1. Here were your choices from the latter week of headlines:
And here are some of the combinations I came up with:
Put any I probably missed in the comments section or tweet at @littlenightowl.
One of my favorite parts of my commute (when the Metro Red Line is agreeable) is reading the free daily papers. Unfortunately, The Washington Examiner, which I interned for several years ago, will cease to exist in its current form this summer.
Beside the stellar coverage on WMATA and local government, The Washington Examiner stood out for another reason: gigantic black, bold headlines like this:
So to pay homage to the paper’s coverage, headlines and notable front page layout, I decided to do a project that creates new headlines from one week of coverage. I’ll post the new headlines every Monday and Friday until the unfortunate day that I run out of issues. We start in the week of Dec. 3 – Dec. 8.
Here’s what I had to work with:
And here are some combinations:
And my personal favorite:
If there are any combinations I over look feel free to respond via comment or tweet at http://twitter.com/littlenightowl.
Sometimes Twitter will promote handles in hopes you will follow them. This was the case on Thursday afternoon when they suggested I follow Charmin.
In case you haven’t seen a Charmin toilet paper ad in a while, let me catch you up to speed: They’re using multi-colored bears to push their product:
In the past few years they’ve made the leap from woods-shitting to defecating in bear-owned single-family homes to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot:
FOUR TIMES?! STOP EATING OATMEAL AND COFFEE.
It seems I have developed a bad habit of consuming on-demand reality TV during the nights I’m not at an open mic. The good thing is I’m aware of the problem and I can stop at any time.** In fact, I’ve watched so much that I’ve developed this map that can either guide you to a preferred topic based on the network OR perhaps guide you if you’re interested in having your life filmed in a multi-camera format (click to enlarge):
**Please don’t ask me to stop. Otherwise you wouldn’t get gems like this ^
Yet another round of cell phone inbox cleaning has yielded some out-of-context (and occasional in context) messages for you to enjoy:
OMG this candidate’s results party has a taco bar and is currently blasting “We Built This City.” This dude’s a fucking winner.
I just ate a shit ton of Rolos and I wanted you to know.
Watching the md game from inside a Cheesecake Factory. This is easily one of the top ten saddest moments of my life.
I don’t think I’m bringing pants.
Asked the Metro attendant to check my card when it wouldn’t process. Had $0.40. He looked SO disappointed in me.
Don’t judge me. Tits or gtfo
Wait not you. That was meant for someone else. You didn’t see anything. :p
Btw, I’m not/wasn’t drunk. Just stating facts. There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.
Whoa I just saw a biiiiiiig piece of shit on the sidewalk. Didn’t really look like it came from a dog…
Woman in Golden Corral ad describes its $12.99 Thanksgiving Day buffet (!) as “[her] family’s new holiday tradition.”
Hooray for nonrape!
The HIV belly fat guy had a good run, but I’m kind of glad to see that he’s no longer on every Metro station advertisement.
Big news! I just massively farted.
I’m 28 and had cereal for dinner. I’m either winning or losing at life.
I wish I could be down in MD so I could take you out for a taco related bday dinner
Don’t open the refrigerator or freezer if u don’t have to!
Dude all I know in life is I have no idea what the hell I’m doing
(1) We can finally start pairing these two together as gifts to people entering Vatican City:
(2) Tawny Kitaen shows up. Then she gets kicked out of Vatican City when she starts rolling around on the floor of the Sistine Chapel. When asked why she did it she’ll say she mistook it for the hood of a Jaguar.
and finally (3) Lead singer David Coverdale sings “Here I Go Again” to Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina in Latin.
But here’s the version we know and love (just cause I like it so much):
The woodwind wielding woman who brought us to the dance floor
Rump Shaker – Wreckx-N-Effect (1992)
OK before I get a bunch of complaints that this is sexist hear me out. This woman will always be the one image I associate with this song for a variety of reasons:
(2) She’s breaking gender stereotypes by secondary school concert band standards. That’s not a flute she’s playing out there. Also you can’t be out in the surf with a flute. The pads under the keys would get wet. The mouthpiece would rust. You probably couldn’t do trills and—ALRIGHT. I PLAYED THE FLUTE IN HIGH SCHOOL. THIS IS HOW I KNOW THIS OK?
(3) If this was a baritone sax she could just release the spit valve into the ocean. She’s already wet. It’s genius.
Sorry. No data so far.